The Omnirumour. A ray of light leading to an Aladdin’s cave of glinting silvery treasure. Devourer of forum pages. Igniter of conflicts that if enacted in real life would make Game of Thrones look like a pillow fight.

It’s profoundly changed online fandom. On one hand, a great community of like minded souls has sprung up – friendly and open, with some good friendships being forged over borders and time zones. On the other, there’s a worrying amount of flame wars and trolling going on. Not to mention an overall oppressive atmosphere on certain forums, and some elaborate hoaxes. But hey ho, it wouldn’t be Doctor Who fandom if somebody wasn’t being a tool about it.

Every scrap of info or potential lead, no matter how unlikely it may seem, has been pored over in microscopic detail. We want to know. We’re excited. But, until some sort of an announcement comes (fingers crossed), all we can do is continue to look at the clues, and we’ve already torn the internet into so many shreds in our search for the truth that it’s a wonder it’s not collapsed.

Let me tell you a story, a story I haven’t shared up to now.

A couple of months ago, after some lengthy indecision about where to have lunch, my girlfriend Lesley and I ended up at a table in the upstairs café of our local Marks and Spencer. We were very hungry (our indecision often results in this).

She chose a healthy option. I didn’t. As we wolfed down our lunch and talked between bites, I noticed a man sat in the corner, tallish, and oddly familiar looking. Did I know him? If I did, where did I know him from? Work? Someone else’s work?

Hold on. I don’t know him. I do know him from being interviewed on TV by Lizo Mzimba though. That looks like…. Phil Morris!

What do I read into this? If that’s him, he’s at least 500 miles out of his way (I live on the south coast, and have an ex from Liverpool, trust me, I know), maybe there’s an episode lead in Dorset?!? He’s having a bacon bagel. Bacon bagels are round. Film cans are round!! Is this a sign?!?

I jest, but whoever this guy was, he looked enough like everyone’s favourite secretive globe-trotting episode hunter to make me stare at him with one eye for a good couple of minutes whilst maintaining eye contact and conversation with Lesley (risking going cross-eyed in the process).

Luckily he didn’t see me, as I would have looked somewhat deranged. My girlfriend didn’t notice my cross eyed basilisk gaze either, which was a relief. I didn’t fancy explaining that I’d spent so long boring holes in forums and twitter over the last few months that I was starting to believe episode hunters were among us, and……. tucking into a nice bacon roll in the corner of England’s favourite Penny Bazaar. Questions might have been asked about our relationship.

“You haven’t changed, still finding menace in your own shadow…”

There’s not really a message here, beyond “Do not stare at strange men in cafes”. I’m sure good times are still coming. The speculation is still great fun. But, if you do see Phil Morris, and he is a) Actually Phil Morris and b) Eating a Bagel, don’t snatch it out of his hand, it’s not a film can, it’s a bagel. And I hope he enjoys his bagel.

 

The preceding is a humorous account and not intended to offend anyone, even those who hate bagels. The real Phil Morris was not seen anywhere near the vicinity of M&S.